


fall to slow emotion

by Anonymous



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Character Study, Deep Route Spoilers (Mystic Messenger), Gen, Introspection, Light Angst, Secret Ending Spoilers (Mystic Messenger), V | Kim Jihyun Lives, between secret endings 01 and 02, jumin and mc drink together and are kind of sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:34:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25191736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: The only person who has ever consistently cleared the threads in his head is V, yet he is not the one drinking with him tonight.
Relationships: Han Jumin & Main Character, Implied Han Jumin/V | Kim Jihyun, background 707 | Choi Luciel/Main Character - Relationship
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24
Collections: Anonymous





	fall to slow emotion

**Author's Note:**

> Title from [April 14th, 2020](https://31-days.dreamwidth.org/3521395.html#cutid1)

“You must care for him a lot, huh?” MC says absently.

On the balcony, wind lightly brushes against them as a sunset dips into the horizon behind the wine swirling around in his glass. Orange and red embers shimmer in the clear liquid as Jumin sets it down to find the bottle. He’s not sure why, but the sunset provides some level of comfort that stark white walls cannot, even in a hospital as capable as the one under C&R.

(Jumin had chosen white wine for the occasion because MC had made her preference for wine clear in a peculiar phone call. There had been no other thought involved in his selection, never mind the other bottles of acceptable wine he had passed during his search. Never mind the light chuckle in his ear, murmuring about his good eye for wine. Never mind long nights spent under the moon with this same brand, losing track of the wine, responsibilities and tangled threads, if only for a moment.)

“I assume you’re referring to V?” Jumin asks once he’s poured a sufficient amount into his glass. He avoids looking at the label. “Of course. It is only natural to care for a friend when our friendship has lasted this long, especially under these circumstances.”

She shakes her head, hard. “That’s not what I meant. I mean, you must have known almost everything about him. I’ve known Saeyoung for a week and I still…I can’t imagine—”

Jumin registers what she’s trying to say, and his hand sways. The pitying look she gives him prevents any deflection, and frustration lingers in his throat.

“If you’re worried about my well-being, that is kind of you, but rest assured, I will save my questions for when he is out of critical condition.”

The white wine burns going down his throat, which is a novel experience. Perhaps this could be explained in the dark arts book he had recently had Assistant Kang acquire for him? He would have to reference it later.

A hand gingerly settles onto his shoulder. “I wasn’t referring to what we were going to ask V, although we all want to know the truth about Mint Eye. Are you okay?”

Bold questions from a bolder woman. He should have known she would make it to the heart of the matter eventually, given time and an opportunity. In a matter of days, she had managed to uncover a conspiracy by shattering walls the rest of them hadn’t been aware of, in a man the rest of them had written off as an irritating jokester.

Jumin had always figured that the most definite way of knowing someone had allowed you into their life would be years of slow, methodical traditions formed from easy conversations and steady convictions. Even after watching Jihyun grow up and grow farther away, they had maintained their traditions with an iron grip. He had not been naive: he had known there was room for secrets between them, but he had believed the gap was so small, so inconsequential, that it did not matter.

But MC has taken a sledgehammer to Saeyoung’s defenses and is all the better for it, and he’s watching the shadows creep in with company he is unaccustomed to keeping.

“I don’t believe you would mock what I say next,” Jumin says, “so I will be candid. I feel awful.”

MC makes a noise that might be sympathetic. He has only heard that gesture delivered so genuinely once before, and his grip on his glass tightens.

“You wanna talk about it?” she asks. When he turns to her, she looks at him with curiosity and far too much melancholy for the light topics they had discussed beforehand.

Another knot forms in the threads, and in his stomach. He cannot say this out loud, because the one person who has ever cleared a space for his head and made a home there is Jihyun. He especially cannot say this to MC, who is grappling with her own set of walls. The knot tightens. A slow, unfamiliar sinking in his chest follows it.

Perhaps this is what he gets for being candid.

“Not particularly,” he responds. “There isn’t much to say.”

He’s never needed to be honest with emotions before, so he doesn’t bother—feelings are irrelevant in the bigger picture. Logic is his strong suit, and building up his strengths is important for business.

MC narrows her eyes. “There is so much to say right now, actually. I think you just don’t want to talk about it. Which is fine, but bottling it up isn’t healthy.”

“Talking about it won’t change anything, so I don’t see the point.”

Everything about their years of history is set in stone. All the things he had assumed and all the things he had kept to himself had become background noise. He cannot afford to dwell on the thought of potential mistakes he could have made, because it is illogical and useless. Anything except the resources that will keep him alive in the present moment is illogical and useless.

“It’s not about changing things,” MC cuts in, “it’s about letting your feelings out in one big explosion! It’s cathartic, Jumin!”

“That sounds like a piece of advice Zen would give.”

She snorts. “Please, he’d complain about Elly before he ever gave you advice.”

“Elizabeth the third,” he corrects, but his heart is not in it. 

MC picks up on this instantly, and smiles at him. 

It’s frail, and it drops off her face the minute she looks away. He is not displeased by the effort she puts into it.

“Seriously, though,” she mutters, “I really won’t judge you. You seem upset. Out with it.”

Yet another bold statement from her. Aside from the strange world they both lived in, it’s no wonder Saeyoung took a liking to her.

“V is the type of person that…I understand because I’ve been around him for so many years.” The words feel awkward on Jumin’s tongue. “I saw the ways he changed and the ways he didn’t. He is similar to his childhood self, but he has consistently retained the ability to make informed decisions. At least, I believed he did.”

He is not quite drunk enough for sentimentality to come to him easily, but his usual drinking partner is not here and MC doesn’t seem to mind either way.

“I do not understand what he could have been thinking when he allowed Rika to found Mint Eye. I had always known that there would be parts of him inaccessible to me, but it is unfathomable that they would reach that deep. I suppose I feel cheated, in a way. Which is strange. He never meant to slight me.”

MC hums. “I can’t imagine being friends with someone for over twenty years, but I think you’re allowed to feel cheated when they keep a secret that big from you. If I had to guess, it’s like you thought you knew them completely, and then you didn’t and the earth feels like it tilts under your feet, right?”

Her metaphors are strange, but the application is sound. “In a way.”

“Even if he didn’t set out to hurt you, he still did. And when you love someone that much, their mistakes will hurt that much more.”

He ponders this. Logically, it makes sense that the one person he had allowed to look inside his heart would hold more power over him. If he dared to think about it from an emotional perspective, the thought of confronting V at all is overwhelming simply because he doesn’t want to hear anything more of possibly the worst mistake he’s ever made.

It’s all so strange.

“And besides,” she continues, “secrets have a strange way of imploding in the RFA, hah.”

Jumin sets his glass down. “Was that entirely appropriate?”

“Not at all.” MC lazily drums her fingers against her drink. “I did have to, you know, live with the bomb, so I’m allowed to make jokes about it.”

“I suppose.” He shrugs. “I have never said this much to anyone before. It feels strange.”

“Yeah, well, you can be more open with me.” She mock-gasps, bringing a hand to her mouth. “Is this a long-awaited breakthrough? Will we finally see a shift in the ice cold Han Jumin’s mind?! Find out next week at eleven o’clock!”

“I am not a TV show,” Jumin says slowly. “Saeyoung’s influence on you is strong.”

MC beams. It’s still not all quite there, but she’s trying so hard that he doesn’t openly acknowledge the quiver on her mouth.

“Please, I’ve always been like this!” she chirps. “I just found someone who enables me further. Isn’t that love?”

“God,” Jumin mutters into his glass.

It is not the same. The threads linger in his head, weaving among old memories. He curls his hands into fists, and no one is around to rest a gloved hand over his and offer an impassioned, likely incorrect retelling of their childhood.

(He even misses that. The thought is ridiculous, and yet...

His throat burns for the next few seconds. Interestingly, MC has fallen silent sometime during this exchange. Maybe she could also have access to the threads if he lets her, but as he considers this, he comes to a conclusion: only one person has ever needed to know about them.)

It is not the same, so he downs the rest of his wine and moves to stand.

“You have been pleasant company, but it would be advisable to stop for tonight,” he says, readjusting his cufflink as MC pushes herself off her chair.

“I guess so.” She rests a hand along the doorframe as she turns to look at him. Under the night sky, her eyes look more honest than they have all evening. “And you’re allowed to talk about this stuff. V seems like someone I could have grown to care about, too.”

A quiet weight settles over his shoulders. It is warm; it is suffocating. He is not sure which one is more appropriate.

“V’s a good drinking partner,” Jumin says before he can think about it. “It would be nice…if he could accompany me again.”

If most of his life amounts to the quieting of strings other people have only ever managed to tangle, Jumin cannot let a week’s worth of frustration and misunderstanding destroy that. If he allowed himself to be honest, he does not want to throw away whatever regard he holds V in.

“I’m sure he will,” MC says, her voice soft as she heads into his penthouse.

(Perhaps in the future, when V offers his touch and his words and his simple comforts in person, he can deal with the strings and the sentimentality and the implications. Coming to terms with the silent disarray of his headspace would be more ideal under those terms. Of course, he would restock on white wine for the occasion, but never mind that.)

Jumin allows the smallest of smiles onto his lips before he follows her.

**Author's Note:**

> well. i hope that was okay haha


End file.
